if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
