dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My feet surprised me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
