her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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