i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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