we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
