Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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