If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
