could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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