Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
