I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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