In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
