i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
