oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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