All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize