guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
