Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
