Cold hands, warm shart.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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