my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
