great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
