how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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