There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
