I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
