I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize