Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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