I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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