My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
