Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
