there's paper in my vomit.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
