whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize