Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My life is pants optional.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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