I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
