Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
