You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
