What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
