can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
