I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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