hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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