At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so let's talk penis.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
