woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
