I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
