If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we made out on top of his cat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
