K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
