well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
