I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
