weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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