worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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