Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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