I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
