I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize