i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love you. Go after that dick
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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