do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
