she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
