i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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