so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was born a porn star she said
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
