We won't sleep together?
Its about making memories worth repressing
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
