Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
