Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
