Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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