After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
