New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
