i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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